Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
