after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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