I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize