i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
