My cat gives me a boner
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
