She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
