I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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