i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
tell me about the fingering
Randomize