and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
