and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And then my night got REAL pukey
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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