She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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