Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
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Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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