Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
