who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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