Where is the hickey?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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