I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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