So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
