I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
