I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
