there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
