Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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