I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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