just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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