I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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