What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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