why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That accounts for only three of the penises
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
