he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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