I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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