Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
