sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
