You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it because I queefed?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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