if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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