i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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