dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im six kinds of drunk right now
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
