If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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