So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?