his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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