i don't like sucking hair
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.