Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so let's talk penis.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
