fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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