maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.