When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
