Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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