every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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