I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
