if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
