"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
