1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize