so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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