We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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