I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My ass is underappreciated
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
