Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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