I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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