so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
