So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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