there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
