I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
