yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
