Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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