The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's never too late to be topless.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
