I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
