that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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