Someone shit on the floor
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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