I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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