Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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