he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
