i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?