I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
4 words: hood of his car
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.