And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"