I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder