they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament