If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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