Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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