The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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