So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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